07.01.2004 (Thursday)
Heads Up: Decap-a-lons Coming to Olympics
Atheletes Move Ahead In New Competition
By Abdul Mubdee, WackyIraqi.com Head Correspondant
ATHENS, GREECE (WI) — Responding to the recent popularity of hostage beheadings, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced today that decapitations have been added as a late entry to events showcased at the 2004 Summer Olympics™ this year.
"It is the foundation of the Olympics to promote cross-national competition," says Jacques Rogge, IOC President. "This event, which has taken the Arab world by storm, captures that in the spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play."
Known as the “Decap-a-lon”, each event will feature athletes displaying their noggin-launching prowess before an international panel of hooded judges. In 72 hours, athletes must remove the crania from six multi-national "hostages" and dangle them menacingly for everyone to see.
Overall Decapalon scores will be based on such criteria as technical merit, artistic interpretation and enthusiasm, while individual events within the Decapalon, such as the head-put, will be based primarily on distance and form.
"Of course, I am practicing the technical skills: smooth cuts, single-hack decaps, getting the blood to squirt just right, and such," says Olympic hopeful Ahmed bin Ahmed. "But this event is about showmanship. If you can get the crowd in your favor with charisma and style, you're going to be heads above the competition."
Favored to win this year are master hackers from the Middle East, though no one is sure exactly where they're from.
"Low ratings in the Muslim countries have hurt the Olympics," says Rogge. "In order to head in the right direction, the IOC found that we need a new plan we can execute to get those people's attention."
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